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keep calm & keep going

December 4, 2019

I've been sole searching  since my bad days last week. You do look at things differently. I found this and thought it about sums it up.
  1. First, don’t take it personally. Nine times out of ten, it’s not you, it’s them. They might have a lot on their plate right now that you don’t know about. Maybe they’re suffering from social anxiety or some other invisible illness. You don’t know every detail of even your best friend’s life. Don’t assume that the way they’re acting has something to do with you personally.

2. Second, accept that people aren’t perfect. Humans aren’t capable of perfection at all times. If you hold     

    someone to that standard, you are guaranteeing that they’ll let you down. Throw in some variables like            being overwhelmed, tired, hormonal, or hungry at any given moment, and the chances of imperfection go        way up! Yes, their imperfection in friendship feels personal to you when your friends let you down. But            I know I've probably unintentionally hurt others in my less-than-perfect moments as well.


3. Third, understand what I'm  capable of controlling. I can’t control my friend. What you can control is                  how you allow them to impact you. Pastor Charles Swindoll famously said, “Life is 10% what happens to        me and 90% how I react to it.” Is frustration over a delayed text or cancelled plans worth ruining your              entire day? Is it worth raising your blood pressure or inducing anxiety? Probably not. Don’t allow others to      control your happiness.


4.  Fourth, be the bigger person. This has always, always worked in my favor. Yes, it’s tempting to return               poor behavior to someone dishing it out to you. But that (a) usually results in drama, and (b) excuses your       friend’s behavior in a way. They’ll then have some ammo to throw back at you. “Yes, I did XYZ, but then           you did it right back to me!” I have never once regretted exercising good character when someone has           wronged me. I leave the situation with a clear conscious, people outside of the friendship have no issue           with me, and my friend appreciates how I’ve reacted and often apologizes.


5. Fifth, be a better friend to others. Make this a learning opportunity about the kind of friend that you want to      be to others. If it makes you feel disliked by your friend when she’s never available to spend time together,      make time for other friends when they invite you to hang out. If delayed text or email replies annoy you,          be sure to be prompt in replying to others. Nelson Mandela once said, “I never lose. I either win or learn.”        Don’t make their behavior a losing opportunity. Make it a learning opportunity.


6. Finally, be open to making new friends. If your friend isn’t consistently in your life, you can either (a) leave        that gap unfilled or partially filled by your absent friend, or (b) make a new friend. This doesn’t mean you          have to cut the old friend out of your life. It just means you have that many more people to share life with.        So be open to connecting with new friends. Strike up conversations with people that seem interesting in          line at the grocery store, sitting next to you at church, or keeping their kids alive while you keep your kids        alive at the pool. If talking to strangers isn’t your thing, then join a community club or sewing group.


When your friends let you down, it can make you feel disappointed, sad, or even angry. For your own sanity, don’t take it personally, and try to accept that people aren’t perfect. Understand what you’re capable of controlling. Be the bigger person and a better friend to others, and be open to making new friends.














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